As I enter my 8th month of pregnancy, I have begun to feel increasingly guilty that I am not pulling my fair share of the weight. Oh, I certainly am pulling quite a bit of weight, although the majority of it just happens to be inside me. I really just feel guilty about how tired I am and how hard I am starting to find doing the household chores.
When I was pregnant with Peanut I worked in the city and commuted daily until about 7 months. I stopped working because physically and mentally it was just too hard to get up at 4am and take a 1 1/2 hour train ride into the city every day in the middle of summer. The rest of that pregnancy I just took it easy. My house, however, was always immaculate because there was no one there to make it dirty.
Fast forward to now, when, as all you mothers know, the minute I clean something my toddler is always there to mess it up again.
I feel like I am always trying to get the house to be clean and more importantly, STAY clean. I also feel like I will be doing at least one load of laundry every day for the rest of my life. As a stay at home mom, I think it is my job to have the house (relatively) clean, the laundry done, and most days of the week have dinner on the table. After all, my husband works very hard so that I can stay at home with Peanut.
Why do I feel guilty? Because I am so damn TIRED. This pregnancy has been pretty easy so far but these days it feels ten times harder to get out of bed, to go grocery shopping, to clean the bathroom, to carry the laundry baskets up and down the stairs, to stand at the sink doing the dishes, or to prepare a meal in my kitchen without having to stick my head in the freezer. Proving even harder is resisting the temptation to take a nap while Peanut is napping. There is so much to get done, but as soon as that kid's eyes are closed it is like my brain shuts down. I'm like a narcoleptic. I can't physically stay awake any more.
This isn't my first rodeo and I know that as soon as the new baby comes, I will have even less time to rest. That I will be getting far less sleep. And I certainly will have less time to make sure my house is clean or prepare a meal. Why is it that I feel so guilty now?