Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Pregnancy and Feeling Guilty

As I enter my 8th month of pregnancy, I have begun to feel increasingly guilty that I am not pulling my fair share of the weight. Oh, I certainly am pulling quite a bit of weight, although the majority of it just happens to be inside me. I really just feel guilty about how tired I am and how hard I am starting to find doing the household chores.
When I was pregnant with Peanut I worked in the city and commuted daily until about 7 months. I stopped working because physically and mentally it was just too hard to get up at 4am and take a 1 1/2 hour train ride into the city every day in the middle of summer. The rest of that pregnancy I just took it easy. My house, however, was always immaculate because there was no one there to make it dirty.
Fast forward to now, when, as all you mothers know, the minute I clean something my toddler is always there to mess it up again.
I feel like I am always trying to get the house to be clean and more importantly, STAY clean. I also feel like I will be doing at least one load of laundry every day for the rest of my life. As a stay at home mom, I think it is my job to have the house (relatively) clean, the laundry done, and most days of the week have dinner on the table. After all, my husband works very hard so that I can stay at home with Peanut.
Why do I feel guilty? Because I am so damn TIRED. This pregnancy has been pretty easy so far but these days it feels ten times harder to get out of bed, to go grocery shopping, to clean the bathroom, to carry the laundry baskets up and down the stairs, to stand at the sink doing the dishes, or to prepare a meal in my kitchen without having to stick my head in the freezer. Proving even harder is resisting the temptation to take a nap while Peanut is napping. There is so much to get done, but as soon as that kid's eyes are closed it is like my brain shuts down. I'm like a narcoleptic. I can't physically stay awake any more.
This isn't my first rodeo and I know that as soon as the new baby comes, I will have even less time to rest. That I will be getting far less sleep. And I certainly will have less time to make sure my house is clean or prepare a meal. Why is it that I feel so guilty now?

1 comment:

  1. Have you tried engaging Peanut in helping to clean? Not sure it'll work, but sometimes it helps. I try most days to clean only when they're awake, and that way I can take my me time when it's naptime. Emma likes to try to help with the laundry, and has a couple of jobs besides. Quinn's a little tougher, but he does generally keep himself busy enough not to cause too much trouble. The only thing I have found I really need to do on my own is mopping the floor- just can't figure out how to get that done and keep little feet from messing it up before it's even finished. And Emma, at 4, still does have some kind of quiet time for at least an hour or two most days. Other than that, don't sweat the small stuff- I try to keep things relatively tidy, but am totally unperturbed by a dirty floor (as long as it's mopping dirty, not sweeping dirty- I don't want ants or anything :) ) And there's nothing wrong with frozen pizza or spaghetti for dinner!